“If you love me, obey my commands.” ~John 14:15

“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.” ~ Luke 9:23 (NLT)

For me, one of the greatest mysteries of GOD is that HE gave us free will.  Once there was nothing, only GOD. Then there was a moment, and in that moment, GOD spoke, and creation began. After HE created humanity, first from dirt then from a rib stamping these humans with HIS image-making humankind in HIS image-bearers forever; HE, the all-knowing, all-powerful, all present GOD gave humans the ability, even the right, to reject HIM.  I find this mind-boggling.

When Jesus was on this earth He never once forced anyone to follow HIM. HE never power tripped, He never debated. The fact is HE allowed people to walk away from HIM. To accuse HIM, reject HIM, lie about HIM, abuse HIM.

Jesus offered up the ‘if’ to all those around HIM. HE continues to offer it today.  You don’t have to love HIM, but ‘if’ you do there is a clear path HE has set out for us to follow.  I realize some believe that Jesus has not chosen them and that is simply NOT TRUE!  Jesus loves you – we are assured of this fact. GOD sent HIS Son to this earth for us (John 3:16). Jesus defeated the power of sin and darkness on our behalf so that we could have access to GOD (Romans 8:5).

The issue has never been whether or not GOD would choose you; the heart of the matter is whether or not you will choose HIM. And ‘if’ you choose HIM there is a clear but narrow path you must follow.  This path laid out for us is a path of relationship, not rules.  A path of love, love that is more extraordinary than anything we are capable of on our own.

‘IF’ you accept the love of Almighty GOD into your life, it will transform you.  You will be incapable of remaining the same.  This love ‘invasion’ reaches to the greatest depths of your being and creates new life, a new way of thinking, feeling, living.  There is no other way to describe this transformation other than to say that when GOD’s deep, personal love is welcomed into your life it recreates you leaving you born again.

Not long ago while in deep conversation with the LORD a memory I had long forgotten flashed in my mind.  I was a grieving, lost teen searching for answers standing across the street from my house when I looked to heaven and declared my own ‘if’.

“If YOU are real and YOU want me to believe in YOU then I need YOU to give me faith to believe YOU and eyes to see YOU.”  Astonishingly, to me at least, HE answered that prayer in spades. And turned the ‘if’ back to me.

If you want to follow me, Crystal, then you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily and follow me. The choice to follow is mine. The choice to be loved by my Creator and Saviour is mine.  The choice to surrender my life to HIM is mine.  The LORD will never force me to follow HIM, HE will never force me to obey HIS commands – HE always leaves the choice up to me.

There is an incredible hard truth in the ‘IF’.  The ‘IF’ will always cost something.  For myself and all those that choose Jesus the ‘IF’ means our lives are no longer our own.  My life, all that I am belongs to the Saviour.  My priorities, my time, my devotion, my worldview, begin with HIM.  My selfish ways have to die, and without HIS help it is impossible for me to conquer my ‘self’.

‘IF’ you chose HIM, you must become less, HE must become more.  ‘IF’ you do not choose HIM then you do not know HIM and you are not part of His Kingdom, now or in the future.

GOD will never force Himself on you or me, after all HE gave us the freedom to decide “IF’ we would choose HIM or not.  Jesus made it clear that if we reject HIM now while the choice is ours that choice will be honoured when we stand before HIM face to face.

Father,

Thank you for your mercy. May the truth of who you are ring out in our lost and hopeless world.  I pray for each reader, my friends, that YOUR love washes over them in the most miraculous of ways and that in this precious moment YOU become more real, more compelling, more delightful in their lives than they can even imagine. Bless them, Father. In Jesus name Amen.

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last…”

John 15:16

I am a woman. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend and I am a pastor. I have been a lead pastor for the last 6+ years and not a week has gone by where someone has not felt the need to speak to me about the fact that I am a woman lead pastor.

I have never really talked about the comments I regularly receive for a number of reasons. One, the comments are often humiliating and hurtful and I do not want to replay the experience. Two, the comments are so extreme sometimes that it sounds untrue. Three, to talk about what is said makes me feel like I have to defend the call of GOD on my life. So I stay quiet.

I have received emails, phone calls, texts messages and face-to-face conversations from people who have felt various degrees of strong convictions about the call of GOD on my life. I have been told that I am the devil, because only the devil would be so rebellious against GOD. I have been told I am arrogant and clearly do not fear the wrath of GOD that I will experience for my rebellion. I have been told I am stealing jobs from men. I have been told that it is great that I am in ministry serving GOD, but it is just so heartbreaking that men will not step up to the calling. While in Bible College, I would receive notes from classmates that felt it was funny to tell me that ‘if’ I went into ministry the only place for me was in children’s ministry or women’s ministry.

Recently at a conference in the United States, John MacArthur was asked to play a word association game. During this ‘game’, the word he was given was ‘Beth Moore’. To which his response was, ‘go home’. MacArthur went on and those around laughed and cheered as he spoke of power-hungry women who were narcissistic at their core. (This is my interpretation of what I heard, I can not bear to go back and relisten to it for facts). In the world of social media, the outrage has begun and folks are tweeting their support for Beth Moore (as they should) and Beth herself, has gone on with the buisness of serving the LORD. These types of condescending, dismissive, abusive words to women teachers and preachers are not new. But this time I could not stay silent.

Perhaps the greatest reason I type this blog is for my four girls. Who have lived their entire lives with me as their pastor. They have been surrounded by male and female leaders, teachers and preachers their whole lives. But as they have gotten older they see the imbalance of men to women. They hear the dismissive comments. And it hurts them.

I never asked to be called by GOD to serve HIM in the role of pastor. This is not a “woe is me” comment, it is just the facts. The truth of the matter is that GOD himself calls some into a more focused life of obedience. Ministers are set apart by GOD for HIS purposes of intentional work, leading and equipping the church for HIS Kingdom mission. This is not to dismiss the priesthood of all believers, but there is a different call on the life of one set apart for pastoral life. This life, as a pastor, is hard. It requires sacrifice that many will never understand. Again, this is not a “woe is us,” it is just the facts. Pastors have extraordinary privilege. We get to be with people in darkest days and on their glorious mountain tops. We get front row seats to watch GOD completely transform people and bring the spiritually dead to life. We are also easily judged, misunderstood, rejected, ghosted and forgotten about …the list goes on.

Here is my point: being a pastor is not something I do, it’s not my career of choice, it is who I am. GOD gave me this heart. HE set me apart, anointed me and gifted me. When you say I can not be who GOD created me to be you are dismissing my personhood. When you tell me ‘in christian love’ that I am the devil, or I am disobedient to GOD, you are saying that I have not heard from my Heavenly Father. You are saying that I am lying and have been deceived.

When you say I am ‘power hungry’ or in apostasy, you are saying that I do not know the love and grace of my LORD and Saviour.

I am crazy in love with Jesus. I owe HIM everything! I was lost and HE found me. I was broken and HE restored me. I was an orphan and HE Fathered me. I was spiritually dead and HE gave me new life. I am HIS and HE is mine. The last thing on earth I would ever want to do is to disappoint my Father. I am a pastor because I will not disobey HIM.

I live for an audience of one (at least I try to). As a woman, I too am created in the image of GOD. Throughout the Bible, GOD called and used women to further HIS Kingdom. This is not new news. More than that, have we forgotten the feminine side of our LORD? In Isaiah 66:13, GOD speaks through the prophet saying: “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you…”

From the beginning of humanity GOD created male and female in HIS image.

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

When Jesus left heaven and took on human flesh HE brought with HIM an upside down Kingdom. It was Jesus that invited women into the conversation while He was in the home of HIS friends, sisters Mary and Martha. As Martha fussed about trying to be a welcoming hostess, Mary sat at the feet of Jesus, learning from the teacher, just like the men. When Martha came to complain that her sister was not helping her, it was Martha that Jesus challenged. In the culture of Jesus’ day, women were overlooked, they were always in the care of a man, whether it be her family, a male relative or her husband. Women were not to be greeted by men in public and yet time and time again we read stories in the scriptures of how Jesus overturned these ‘traditions’. Jesus spoke to women. HE treated women with compassion, respect and dignity.

Throughout HIS earthly ministry Jesus taught women (Luke 10), traveled with women (Luke 8), not to mention it was the women who were entrusted with the message of the LORD’s resurrection (Matthew 28). My point is this: women have equal value, and equal calling to our male counterparts. Not because we women say so, but because Jesus lived so!

I am not asking for everyone who believes women ‘are not allowed’ to teach or preach or pastor change their position (even though that would be nice). But I am asking for you to stop attacking the personhood of every woman who has answered the call of her LORD and Saviour. It brings shame on the body – our love is not witnessed and you are embarrassing yourself. Jesus can chose who HE wants, after all HE is GOD.

Zephaniah 3:17

The LORD your GOD is in your midst – a warrior bringing victory.  He will create calm with his love; he will rejoice over you with singing.

I have not always known the love of GOD.  I did not grow up in a family of faith, even my early years were spent attending Sunday school at the local church. 

Interestingly, those years in Sunday school never really taught me much about GOD’S love. Their position was that we were to be good people. In the end, when all things were considered if the good outweighed the bad, then heaven was the reward. 

While I had come to be familiar with stories of the Bible, conforming to them or the idea of serving this GOD, was never really an option for me.  Truth be told, I thought I was too smart, too independent, too capable to need to believe in some immortal crutch. 

Then February 28, 1994 happened.  This is the day that changed my life forever.  This is the day my father died.  Perhaps in my nearly 18 years of life I had never loved another human being more than I loved my Dad.  My world went dark the day he left it and part of me died right along with him.

The loss of my father birthed an anger within me.  This anger was not directed towards my father for dying or any other person around me. My anger burned for this GOD whom others believed was loving. 

I was utterly convinced that if GOD was loving, HE certainly did not love me.  How could a loving GOD, an all-knowing, all-powerful, ever present GOD allow such a horrible thing happen to me if HE was truly loving? 

The anger I felt towards GOD continued to grow.  I cursed HIM. I hated HIM. 

Then one day as I shook my fist toward heaven, love invaded.

To describe exactly what happened to me is difficult even after all these years.  But as I stood there in my room, Jesus appeared before me.  Was it a vision? Was HE physically present?  I am not sure, but HE was there.  

As I stood before HIM, HE told me how much HE loved me.  HE spoke specifically to the pain in my life and invited me to surrender my life to HIM.

Words will never be able to describe the splendor of that Divine encounter.  HE was glorious, majestic and terrifying – not in a run away and hide manner; it was more like a fall to ground, speechless kind of fright. I had never been in the presence of One more magnificent than HE.

Right there in that moment as HE declared HIS love for me, I was made whole.  This love that HE offered me was unlike anything I had ever experienced before.  It was transforming! It took the pieces of my broken heart and mended them back together. 

In the days and weeks that followed, everything about me began to change.  I was born again, not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

The Creator of the Universe loved me and made me a new creation, giving me the right to be called a daughter of the most High. 

The day love invaded my life, was the day I surrendered all that I am or will ever be into the loving hands of my Saviour, Jesus.  

We may never meet this side of heaven, but I do know that the love of GOD that invaded my life, overwhelmed me and transformed me, is the same love HE is offering you today.  Jesus loves you, this I know for the Bible tells me so.  So whether you are a child of the Most High, or on a journey to discover this glorious GOD; my prayer for you is that you will pause right now and tune your ear to hear  Jesus singing HIS love for you.