Re-Routed

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” ~Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV

By the time I was 13 years old, I had mapped out my life. I knew exactly what I wanted to ‘be’ when I grew up and I knew how I wanted to achieve that goal. I had a dream of being a doctor – the type of doctor I wanted to be changed with different stages of my life – but a doctor nonetheless. I can remember being in Mrs. Standford’s kindergarten class at the cut and paste table with the goal of building a gurney for my doll. Paper towel tubes and construction paper never allowed for my vision to be realized 🙂

Throughout my teen years I took every opportunity to purchase anatomy books, MCAT study guides and medical encyclopedias. While other girls were practicing their signatures with the last name of the boy they liked at the time, I was trying to master my ‘doctor’s signature’. No matter how much I tried I could not conquer it, my signature has always been legible 🙂

Eventually high school ended, and off I was, University-bound. A new city, a new school and I was eager to get this portion of my journey underway. It was not long into the school year when I had this sense that I was not on the right path. I had a profound experience with Jesus before University and I was still trying to sort out what having HIM, Jesus, as my personal Lord and Saviour meant. The unsettled feeling grew deep within me, until I was having thoughts of atteding Bible College. I could not even imagine what that would even look like. It was certainly not part of my plan, and these thoughts were messing with my emotions and stomach.

Fast forward and my second year of University was my first year of Bible College. Even though I was certain this was GOD’s leading, I was not happy! I was obedient to the LORD’s leading, but I was begrudgingly obedient. I didn’t want to be there, and I was pretty happy to share with anyone who would listen that I was: #1. Never going to be a pastor, and #2. Never going to be a Pentecostal!! I even switched out of my orginal major because: #3. I was never going to go Africa!!! (that is a whole other story).

So where am I going with this? Well my ways are not GOD’s ways and my plans are not HIS plans. For all of my begrudgingly difficult, grumbling and complaining, kicking my feet and whining before the throne of GOD all of this may never have come to pass. I am a pastor – a lead pastor, of a church that meets in my old high school. I am a Pentecostal, and I have been to Africa, and fell in love with it’s beauty.

I love the life I have, and I would not change it. But I still miss what could have been. I still think about what my life would have been like if I had been able to live my dream. I still, even after all of these years grieve the loss of something I wanted so desperately. I never got to realize the desire of my heart. My dream had to die in order for me to realize all that my loving Heavenly Father had planned for me.

There are days I were I am certain I would have been a better doctor than I am a pastor, but I hold tight to the gift GOD has given me. HE called me for HIS purpose, that is after all HIS prerogative, given that HE created me and all.

So, today I live a life that I had never dreamed of. My childhood would often have me imagining myself like Doc Baker from Little House on the Prairie. Being with people in their homes and with their families on their worst days and happiest moments. Being paid with chickens and apple pies. While I have never been given payment in chickens or pies, the very thing I had dreamt about -living the life of a ‘back- in-the-day, country doctor – I live today. Not as health care provider, but as a spiritual caregiver.

I have the most amazing privilege to be invited into the lives of people on their worst days. To join with the family as they keep vigil in the last moments of a loved ones life. To laugh through tears as families share their ‘inside jokes’ as we plan a funeral. To be invited in to celebrate the arrival of a precious new babe and have Mom or Dad lay their newest treasure in my arms and ask me to pray and bless their new gift.

It took me a long time to realize that although GOD re-routed my plan, HE was in fact giving me the ultimate desires of my heart. To love and care for people. To know them in deep and meaningful way. As I write this, people and their stories flash through my memory, and I am in awe of what the LORD has allowed me to be part of. I am so grateful that HIS ways are not my ways and HIS thoughts are not my thoughts. HIS ways, HIS plans far exceed anything I could ever hope for or imagine.

I am not sure where you find yourself today, but what I do know is that you are loved! The GOD who created the Universe loves you and HE is at work in your life to bring about HIS great plans for you. My prayer for you is that the Holy Spirit will show you the loving hand of the Father on you as you embrace the heavenly commission you have been given.