In My Shoes…

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last…”

John 15:16

I am a woman. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend and I am a pastor. I have been a lead pastor for the last 6+ years and not a week has gone by where someone has not felt the need to speak to me about the fact that I am a woman lead pastor.

I have never really talked about the comments I regularly receive for a number of reasons. One, the comments are often humiliating and hurtful and I do not want to replay the experience. Two, the comments are so extreme sometimes that it sounds untrue. Three, to talk about what is said makes me feel like I have to defend the call of GOD on my life. So I stay quiet.

I have received emails, phone calls, texts messages and face-to-face conversations from people who have felt various degrees of strong convictions about the call of GOD on my life. I have been told that I am the devil, because only the devil would be so rebellious against GOD. I have been told I am arrogant and clearly do not fear the wrath of GOD that I will experience for my rebellion. I have been told I am stealing jobs from men. I have been told that it is great that I am in ministry serving GOD, but it is just so heartbreaking that men will not step up to the calling. While in Bible College, I would receive notes from classmates that felt it was funny to tell me that ‘if’ I went into ministry the only place for me was in children’s ministry or women’s ministry.

Recently at a conference in the United States, John MacArthur was asked to play a word association game. During this ‘game’, the word he was given was ‘Beth Moore’. To which his response was, ‘go home’. MacArthur went on and those around laughed and cheered as he spoke of power-hungry women who were narcissistic at their core. (This is my interpretation of what I heard, I can not bear to go back and relisten to it for facts). In the world of social media, the outrage has begun and folks are tweeting their support for Beth Moore (as they should) and Beth herself, has gone on with the buisness of serving the LORD. These types of condescending, dismissive, abusive words to women teachers and preachers are not new. But this time I could not stay silent.

Perhaps the greatest reason I type this blog is for my four girls. Who have lived their entire lives with me as their pastor. They have been surrounded by male and female leaders, teachers and preachers their whole lives. But as they have gotten older they see the imbalance of men to women. They hear the dismissive comments. And it hurts them.

I never asked to be called by GOD to serve HIM in the role of pastor. This is not a “woe is me” comment, it is just the facts. The truth of the matter is that GOD himself calls some into a more focused life of obedience. Ministers are set apart by GOD for HIS purposes of intentional work, leading and equipping the church for HIS Kingdom mission. This is not to dismiss the priesthood of all believers, but there is a different call on the life of one set apart for pastoral life. This life, as a pastor, is hard. It requires sacrifice that many will never understand. Again, this is not a “woe is us,” it is just the facts. Pastors have extraordinary privilege. We get to be with people in darkest days and on their glorious mountain tops. We get front row seats to watch GOD completely transform people and bring the spiritually dead to life. We are also easily judged, misunderstood, rejected, ghosted and forgotten about …the list goes on.

Here is my point: being a pastor is not something I do, it’s not my career of choice, it is who I am. GOD gave me this heart. HE set me apart, anointed me and gifted me. When you say I can not be who GOD created me to be you are dismissing my personhood. When you tell me ‘in christian love’ that I am the devil, or I am disobedient to GOD, you are saying that I have not heard from my Heavenly Father. You are saying that I am lying and have been deceived.

When you say I am ‘power hungry’ or in apostasy, you are saying that I do not know the love and grace of my LORD and Saviour.

I am crazy in love with Jesus. I owe HIM everything! I was lost and HE found me. I was broken and HE restored me. I was an orphan and HE Fathered me. I was spiritually dead and HE gave me new life. I am HIS and HE is mine. The last thing on earth I would ever want to do is to disappoint my Father. I am a pastor because I will not disobey HIM.

I live for an audience of one (at least I try to). As a woman, I too am created in the image of GOD. Throughout the Bible, GOD called and used women to further HIS Kingdom. This is not new news. More than that, have we forgotten the feminine side of our LORD? In Isaiah 66:13, GOD speaks through the prophet saying: “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you…”

From the beginning of humanity GOD created male and female in HIS image.

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

When Jesus left heaven and took on human flesh HE brought with HIM an upside down Kingdom. It was Jesus that invited women into the conversation while He was in the home of HIS friends, sisters Mary and Martha. As Martha fussed about trying to be a welcoming hostess, Mary sat at the feet of Jesus, learning from the teacher, just like the men. When Martha came to complain that her sister was not helping her, it was Martha that Jesus challenged. In the culture of Jesus’ day, women were overlooked, they were always in the care of a man, whether it be her family, a male relative or her husband. Women were not to be greeted by men in public and yet time and time again we read stories in the scriptures of how Jesus overturned these ‘traditions’. Jesus spoke to women. HE treated women with compassion, respect and dignity.

Throughout HIS earthly ministry Jesus taught women (Luke 10), traveled with women (Luke 8), not to mention it was the women who were entrusted with the message of the LORD’s resurrection (Matthew 28). My point is this: women have equal value, and equal calling to our male counterparts. Not because we women say so, but because Jesus lived so!

I am not asking for everyone who believes women ‘are not allowed’ to teach or preach or pastor change their position (even though that would be nice). But I am asking for you to stop attacking the personhood of every woman who has answered the call of her LORD and Saviour. It brings shame on the body – our love is not witnessed and you are embarrassing yourself. Jesus can chose who HE wants, after all HE is GOD.